I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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