Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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