Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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