i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
