how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize