i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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