I'm gonna have a badass scar
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The struggles of a small town man whore
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
