Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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