Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
