this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
