You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
