I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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