thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
please come you make the beer taste better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
