i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ketchup is God's man juice
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
