when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
