i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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