I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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