she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
