how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
