I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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