I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
whose parrot is this?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize