So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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