It's Friday. Sex?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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