well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
