so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
