we made out on top of his cat.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize