when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
love makes seman taste better
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
