I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize