for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
