We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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