do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
