My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
