Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
