ADVERTISEMENT

• (314): View more from Missouri

  we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is

  Fav 26 2717 753

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys

  Fav 33 5130 1102

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.

  Fav 7 2017 1273

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

  Fav 9 3548 1384

  share tweet
  

• (702): View more from Nevada

  Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.

  Fav 1 1902 675

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.

  Fav 5 1130 699

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

  Fav 7 2564 840

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.

  Fav 0 1518 713

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me

  Fav 4 852 605

  share tweet
  

• (541): View more from Oregon

  If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.

  Fav 2 887 552

  share tweet
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut

  Fav 6 486 820

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.

  Fav 0 50 20

  share tweet
  

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.

  Fav 1 132 11

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...

  Fav 0 44 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (850): View more from Florida

  Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.

  Fav 1 86 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize