Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
did i walk over a car last night?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
