youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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