Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize