she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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