so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
