so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
