i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
