So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
