Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
