I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
