I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
