I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize