You're my little dorito
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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