I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
