There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
