my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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