4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
