If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
