Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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