I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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