We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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