Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
