Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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