whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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