Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
