3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
