anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
