I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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