Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
