Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
